This really resonates: “Your age will only make the thing you do better, and once you do it you will feel so puffy with pride that you won’t be worrying about the people that got there first.” Always feeling like we’re trying to catch up is the very trap that keeps us believing we’re behind. You are where you were meant to be. Easier said than embraced, but once we can, we can start to forget about who we think “beat us to it.”
There’s no time limit on any of this -my book comes out in a couple weeks— I’m 57, although still feel exactly the same as I did at 26 (except my knees, which are 96). My book touches on the psychology of comparison. Whether career, children, or what-have-you, there will always be someone who did it first or better or differently. And it’s ok. How boring would it be if we were all out here just checking off the same list of goals?
(PS ‘Ted hose’ are the closest I’ve come to a goal of doing a ‘Ted talk’, but I’ll get there.)
Oh Lena. Your book is brilliant.. I laughed, I cried. 💖 And I could hear your voice in my head the entire time. Thank you for sharing your pain, your truth & your story so honestly. Something most of us can't do. You are a force!! Big hugs from Canada xx
The medical-cool/chic pics feel very Kahlo-esque. She was such a pioneer in fashion and would paint her back braces to be these beautiful pieces of art. This totally reminds me of that
Ahhhh yes. The aging thing. The being a woman...chronic illness...and creating throughout! I believe we are all much better choreographers of our life-dances than we give ourselves credit for. Well, at least that's the Ted/pep talk I give alone and out loud in my kitchen! All that to say, I'm turning 60 (zomg!) on May 5th, fellow Taurus, and I can't let go of the idea that this is supposed to be a milestone . Your book is arriving today and I've actually gotten so much done this morning in order to clear a lush, languid space in which to luxuriate in your memoir. The way you write/speak/think resonates very deeply and has stirred up embers underneath my ass to finish my own memoir-of-weirdness. And I mean weirdness in the best possible way!! I endeavor to see you in New Haven!
Happy Birthday Lisa from another Lisa. I’m turning 64 in August and would LOVE to hear the TedPepTalks you give yourself in your kitchen. I finally accomplishing long held dreams at my ripe old age. Feeling the power of looming expiration dates more than anything. Put a few songs on Spotify like Bright Side of Blue.
Hey Lisa! Glad to hear you are still kicking ass in the dream department. I'm forever trying to get out of my own way , when it comes to dreams and making them come true. Maybe I dont give myself enough credit, though. And there are no arbitrary timelines...but for our own goals. I had a poetry collection published in '04. That was a dream! Working on the second one too. Raised two great kids despite both marriages being absolutely dismal. Learned to live on my own , more or less contentedly, for the past dozen years, got diagnosed audhd 5 years ago, etc etc. Lots left to long for...but more for which I'm grateful. And my memoir is going to be about being raised in an extreme End Times cult and how I escaped at age 26..to save myself and my daughter. I was in a 2016 documentary about that cult, too. I'm also in recovery. Mostly alcohol, but benzos (like Lena).
Congrats for the publications in ‘04 and ‘24! Very impressive. I took a course in Santa Monica 20 years ago on publishing poetry and still haven’t done it. I put out my own Chap books when I was doing the coffee house circuit as a spoken work artist and doing some Slams but I’m just putting it all out on Substack now. I don’t know if it was fear of rejection or just my not liking the idea of submitting and being judged. But I feel this format lets me just put it out there and those who are interested or vibing with what I put out will find me. It’s a big experiment but that’s what life is, right?! I applaud you for being on here as well.
We are both Lisa Maries too! To clarify: Souldust was published in 2024. In '04 I had just left my second husband and was moving back to CT from NY! But I DID strike up quite the interesting close friendship with former Poet Laureate Billy Collins while I was here. We were practically neighbors and he came into the coffee shop I worked at every day. He included me in his circle of literary elites for a while but...then things got weird. That time period will definitely be a chapter in my memoir which my son says I should entitle; " and that's when things REALLY got weird". He doesn't know the half. I try to get to as many open mics and slams as I can ( I moved back to NY in 2010) and am excited to be attending the 2d annual Open Secrets Writers Summit on 5/2 in the city. Bought myself a ticket for the VIP after-party too. Birthday gift from me to me! Confession: I actually still don't know how Substack works...as far as posting on mine. It got messed up when I was writing under another name. I need a tutorial, but everyone charges for that ! Then again, I rely on my phone too much. Gotta crack open the laptop festooned with magical stickers! I'm enthralled by your essays!!
Age...62 over here and not living inside someone else's story for the first time in my life. Your book was an exquisite gift. Achingly beautiful and word art.
I don't know what my Malibu Barbie Beach life is supposed to look like at this age. I don't like sun, heat or being tan.
I used to think my youth and my womanhood left when my uterus and ovaries that were stolen for no good reason other than I was so dysregulated no one knew what else to do with me. The vortex that was once filled by many dicks to tell me I meant something to someone, is still painful to think about but your words give me comfort and I give myself comfort while laughing and raging with delusions of glamour.
Congratulations on finally living your own authentic life. I am exploding out of my tendency of supporting all the men in my life at 63. Writing about my Malibu Barbie life in my 20s and getting derailed by the second person I even slept with in my whole life who happened to have been with half the women(people?) in Hollywood. Telling my story chapter by chapter on my HOLLYWOODN’T Substack. Had my uterus out two years ago, grateful to have had one child who is now a man, and finally thinking clearly.
OMG! I just started my Substack the other day and have to use an alias because it's impossible to intermingle my writing voice with my profession. I really appreciate your subscription, your message and your truth. You encourage me when I feel like I want to run away and dive in at the same time. Thank you!
Thank you, once again, for sharing about your health and healthcare experiences. It’s such a huge fucking deal for those of us with similar issues (and especially with limited resources/ access to care), to hear about your struggles and successes. I can’t even explain how much. So thanks.
I love how you wrote about aging and comparison. I didn't compare myself to others about big picture life stuff for quite a while, because I was working some stuff out in my 20s, and also just partying. But, I strangely enough, ended up completing many markers of adulthood in my late 30s (college, marriage, child, house).
And now I'm here looking at other things I want to accomplish that I have always thought were so big. I've made friends with people who are doing their version of those things, which makes it seem much more possible. But I also have the jealousy and fear of like, I will be really bad at this new thing for a while. These people are around my age, but they've been doing this for many years. But I need to fight the fear and do it anyway!
Take care dear! I love reading you. I am french but I understand it all and the words create magic in my brain that relieves the pain. This allows me to breathe again. No pain, no gain? Sometimes no pain is the gain. 🙄. UGG! 😘
I'm 62 and still dreaming in delusion of glamour. Your book was an exquisite gift and filled with the most achingly beautiful word art. The most painful thing in my life, even at this age, is having my uterus and ovaries stolen. Here I am trying to fill the void that used to only want a dick in it as a measure of my desirability as a woman with my birth right, my voice.
My heart aches, my pride puffs, the story I tell myself about my hollowed space where I once thought was the only place my womanhood lived, feels present and privileged to feel a sense of fullness with you and your readers.
This really resonates: “Your age will only make the thing you do better, and once you do it you will feel so puffy with pride that you won’t be worrying about the people that got there first.” Always feeling like we’re trying to catch up is the very trap that keeps us believing we’re behind. You are where you were meant to be. Easier said than embraced, but once we can, we can start to forget about who we think “beat us to it.”
There’s no time limit on any of this -my book comes out in a couple weeks— I’m 57, although still feel exactly the same as I did at 26 (except my knees, which are 96). My book touches on the psychology of comparison. Whether career, children, or what-have-you, there will always be someone who did it first or better or differently. And it’s ok. How boring would it be if we were all out here just checking off the same list of goals?
(PS ‘Ted hose’ are the closest I’ve come to a goal of doing a ‘Ted talk’, but I’ll get there.)
Oh Lena. Your book is brilliant.. I laughed, I cried. 💖 And I could hear your voice in my head the entire time. Thank you for sharing your pain, your truth & your story so honestly. Something most of us can't do. You are a force!! Big hugs from Canada xx
This entire post made me smile with ease. Thank you big sister Lena. In our own time, on our own terms… our life unfolds creatively. Xx
The medical-cool/chic pics feel very Kahlo-esque. She was such a pioneer in fashion and would paint her back braces to be these beautiful pieces of art. This totally reminds me of that
OK now I'm comparing and despairing. TWENTY - NINE??? That's like a literal fetus.
Ahhhh yes. The aging thing. The being a woman...chronic illness...and creating throughout! I believe we are all much better choreographers of our life-dances than we give ourselves credit for. Well, at least that's the Ted/pep talk I give alone and out loud in my kitchen! All that to say, I'm turning 60 (zomg!) on May 5th, fellow Taurus, and I can't let go of the idea that this is supposed to be a milestone . Your book is arriving today and I've actually gotten so much done this morning in order to clear a lush, languid space in which to luxuriate in your memoir. The way you write/speak/think resonates very deeply and has stirred up embers underneath my ass to finish my own memoir-of-weirdness. And I mean weirdness in the best possible way!! I endeavor to see you in New Haven!
Happy Birthday Lisa from another Lisa. I’m turning 64 in August and would LOVE to hear the TedPepTalks you give yourself in your kitchen. I finally accomplishing long held dreams at my ripe old age. Feeling the power of looming expiration dates more than anything. Put a few songs on Spotify like Bright Side of Blue.
Hey Lisa! Glad to hear you are still kicking ass in the dream department. I'm forever trying to get out of my own way , when it comes to dreams and making them come true. Maybe I dont give myself enough credit, though. And there are no arbitrary timelines...but for our own goals. I had a poetry collection published in '04. That was a dream! Working on the second one too. Raised two great kids despite both marriages being absolutely dismal. Learned to live on my own , more or less contentedly, for the past dozen years, got diagnosed audhd 5 years ago, etc etc. Lots left to long for...but more for which I'm grateful. And my memoir is going to be about being raised in an extreme End Times cult and how I escaped at age 26..to save myself and my daughter. I was in a 2016 documentary about that cult, too. I'm also in recovery. Mostly alcohol, but benzos (like Lena).
Congrats for the publications in ‘04 and ‘24! Very impressive. I took a course in Santa Monica 20 years ago on publishing poetry and still haven’t done it. I put out my own Chap books when I was doing the coffee house circuit as a spoken work artist and doing some Slams but I’m just putting it all out on Substack now. I don’t know if it was fear of rejection or just my not liking the idea of submitting and being judged. But I feel this format lets me just put it out there and those who are interested or vibing with what I put out will find me. It’s a big experiment but that’s what life is, right?! I applaud you for being on here as well.
We are both Lisa Maries too! To clarify: Souldust was published in 2024. In '04 I had just left my second husband and was moving back to CT from NY! But I DID strike up quite the interesting close friendship with former Poet Laureate Billy Collins while I was here. We were practically neighbors and he came into the coffee shop I worked at every day. He included me in his circle of literary elites for a while but...then things got weird. That time period will definitely be a chapter in my memoir which my son says I should entitle; " and that's when things REALLY got weird". He doesn't know the half. I try to get to as many open mics and slams as I can ( I moved back to NY in 2010) and am excited to be attending the 2d annual Open Secrets Writers Summit on 5/2 in the city. Bought myself a ticket for the VIP after-party too. Birthday gift from me to me! Confession: I actually still don't know how Substack works...as far as posting on mine. It got messed up when I was writing under another name. I need a tutorial, but everyone charges for that ! Then again, I rely on my phone too much. Gotta crack open the laptop festooned with magical stickers! I'm enthralled by your essays!!
we can take this to Substack messaging, right?! I we’ve probably extended this thread as far off the bobbin as it will go.
The bobbin! Love it! Ok...I messaged you back
I meant 2024 for my book! It's "Souldust~a collection of reflections" published by Golden Dragonfly Press
I'm about to be 60 too. I feel more open to creativity and trying things than I ever did when I was younger! Happy birthday!
Thank you, Victoria! May baby?
August!
Happy Birthday!
Age...62 over here and not living inside someone else's story for the first time in my life. Your book was an exquisite gift. Achingly beautiful and word art.
I don't know what my Malibu Barbie Beach life is supposed to look like at this age. I don't like sun, heat or being tan.
I used to think my youth and my womanhood left when my uterus and ovaries that were stolen for no good reason other than I was so dysregulated no one knew what else to do with me. The vortex that was once filled by many dicks to tell me I meant something to someone, is still painful to think about but your words give me comfort and I give myself comfort while laughing and raging with delusions of glamour.
I wish you well.
Congratulations on finally living your own authentic life. I am exploding out of my tendency of supporting all the men in my life at 63. Writing about my Malibu Barbie life in my 20s and getting derailed by the second person I even slept with in my whole life who happened to have been with half the women(people?) in Hollywood. Telling my story chapter by chapter on my HOLLYWOODN’T Substack. Had my uterus out two years ago, grateful to have had one child who is now a man, and finally thinking clearly.
And here's me; gasping and RUNNING to your 'stack!!
OMG! I just started my Substack the other day and have to use an alias because it's impossible to intermingle my writing voice with my profession. I really appreciate your subscription, your message and your truth. You encourage me when I feel like I want to run away and dive in at the same time. Thank you!
Gosh, Lena.
Now that you've found your adult creative voice…
And all that newly oxygenated blood is rushing to your brain,
There is so much more ahead.
Most of it will astound you, too.
So…
Welcome to the club!
Onward!
(I for one am looking forward to what comes next for you.)
Thank you 😭😭😭🧠
Thank you, once again, for sharing about your health and healthcare experiences. It’s such a huge fucking deal for those of us with similar issues (and especially with limited resources/ access to care), to hear about your struggles and successes. I can’t even explain how much. So thanks.
This means the whole 🌎
I love how you wrote about aging and comparison. I didn't compare myself to others about big picture life stuff for quite a while, because I was working some stuff out in my 20s, and also just partying. But, I strangely enough, ended up completing many markers of adulthood in my late 30s (college, marriage, child, house).
And now I'm here looking at other things I want to accomplish that I have always thought were so big. I've made friends with people who are doing their version of those things, which makes it seem much more possible. But I also have the jealousy and fear of like, I will be really bad at this new thing for a while. These people are around my age, but they've been doing this for many years. But I need to fight the fear and do it anyway!
Do it anyway your version will be original to you. How can it not be? Besides we need a chorus of I cans! You can!💗
love this 🩵 I just finished reading famesick and all I could think was I need to give this book to my dear friend who has eds when i’m done !
Take care dear! I love reading you. I am french but I understand it all and the words create magic in my brain that relieves the pain. This allows me to breathe again. No pain, no gain? Sometimes no pain is the gain. 🙄. UGG! 😘
Love this and loving Famesick.
Glad you’re well. And Glad surgery went well. Thanks for writing for us. Looks like it was quite the experience. Glad everything is okay!!!
I'm 62 and still dreaming in delusion of glamour. Your book was an exquisite gift and filled with the most achingly beautiful word art. The most painful thing in my life, even at this age, is having my uterus and ovaries stolen. Here I am trying to fill the void that used to only want a dick in it as a measure of my desirability as a woman with my birth right, my voice.
My heart aches, my pride puffs, the story I tell myself about my hollowed space where I once thought was the only place my womanhood lived, feels present and privileged to feel a sense of fullness with you and your readers.