All The Real Girls
How my obsession with TheRealReal gave me back the gift of style
Hello Fashion Plates,
Anyone who reads this newsletter even semi-regularly knows that I have a few topics that have built rent-free condos in the “obsessions” region of my brain: the inner and outer life of writers, books as medicine, pig care and vintage/resale fashion. You may also know that I have never done a brand collaboration. And while it may seem like “of course you haven’t, who would trust you to sell Cherry Vanilla Olipop!?” I have been asked, okay!? But my absolute physical inability to pretend, coupled with my surprising prudishness, meant that instructing smart, discerning readers to go out and buy, say, a glittery vibrator for Mother’s Day, or replace a regular bath with perfumed vaginal wipes… Well it was just not something I could hack. And let us not forget when I was asked to be the “ambassador” of an Endometriosis health product, tortured myself about whether or not to engage, and- before I could say yes or no or even maybe so- was informed that the job had gone to a well-lotioned actress ten years younger. Similar vibe to when you go on a date with a guy, have a bad time, think “ya know what, we all deserve a second chance!” and then he texts to say he just doesn’t see a future with you.
But when I was asked to talk about my passion for The RealReal, it was the quickest yes of my life. My nightly TRR time is the most relaxing part of the day (and if that’s sad, I don’t wanna be happy!) But, more importantly, my relationship to TRR has returned me, at age forty, to the gleeful fashion victim I once was, back when Indie Sleaze was just called “life” and I had more thrifted Chloe- by Stella! And Phoebe!- than I knew what to do with (I can count my true regrets on a single hand, and giving those pieces away is one of them. So, to whoever has the mesh monkey tank with bells on the nipples, I pray you treat her right.)
So, as you may have guessed; “Today’s post is in partnership with The RealReal.” They let me wild out on my love for the platform, and bring you a summer wardrobe update that will have the minimalists shaking in their Toteme boots (I love and worship you ladies, can’t get enough, but could sooner perform a successful appendectomy with no training than do what you do!)
To understand why TRR has played such an essential role in my style reboot, let me walk you back in time a bit- to the wonders of early menopausal weight gain. Suddenly every boutique I had once frequented, all hushed and reverent as if in a house of worship, felt a lot like the disastrous sample-size-only photoshoots that marked my early career. I got sick of huffing as I pulled a pair of XXL stretch wool trousers, sized as if for a ravenous American Girl Doll, up to my knees. I refused to pop another button. I was not about to wear a baby doll dress where the empire waist sat at my neck. And while I’m lucky enough to have a few designer pals who will create custom looks for the red carpet, my day to day became a fast fashion wasteland. Sadly, it’s often the microplastic-wielding conglomerates that take the time to create of the moment designs in “extended” sizes. And, while a few indie designers fit the bill, if I wanted a shot at experimenting with certain trends- balloon pants with a wraparound skirt element, a ribbed halter with too many ties- then I was going to be adding to the landfill of disposable crap, unwrapping it from layers of fragrant plastic.
And then it hit me- vintage had, once upon a time, been my Olympic sport. In college, at Cleveland’s Unique Thrift, I learned to case the joint, scan the racks and emerge with treasures untold: Working Girl coded Escada blazers, a 1950s Dior (for Nordstrom!) embroidered cocktail dress, La Perla bras worn as crop tops. The most luxurious pieces of another woman’s life, cast aside and then reclaimed like a prize. But even vintage stores suffer from a lack of extended sizing, especially because the 16s of 18s of yesteryear have a decidedly delicate cut…
And so, late to the RealReal game, I endeavored to see if I could recreate that experience, if I could use narrowed search terms to find exactly what I dreamt of, ferret out all the new-to-me garments with those precious bust and weight measurements listed. What I discovered was not only an embarrassment of riches, but a renewed love for heading down fashion wormholes… and emerging, trophy in hand 🏆
So what follows are the confessions of a mid-life RealReal convert, and my best tips for making the site work for you. All the links are to items I adore but have hesitantly released into the wider world, because good girls share.
1- IF IT’S HOT, THEY HAVE IT
What goes around comes around. Every omnipresent trend of today has been culled from the closets of the women who came before us. So before you head, tail between your legs and swearing it’s the last time, to another fast fashion site, plug your search terms into TRR and watch magic happen. I’ve searched everything from “skirt pants” to “white Oxford Peplum blouse”, “stand collar evening jacket 100% silk” to “high heeled flip flops.”
You’ll find what you’re looking for, plus a little something you didn’t know you needed as the “Similar Items” feature dares you to open your mind.
The week’s sweet smell of success? The three summer shoe trends that have most intrigued me (2000s publicist heeled thongs, Fisherman sandals with a twist, neon rubber) all for the price that many this-season-pilled women are paying for platform sneakers with a designer logo.
Pro Tip: The more open you are- to designer provenance (the “unbranded” edit is a gold mine), surprising details, or doing a little tailoring and upkeep- the more likely you are to strike gold. While TRR does allow you to hunt down that sold out tote bag you saw on Katie Holmes, the real fun- for me, at least- is in the surprise wins.
2. LEARN SOMETHING NEW
I haunt the “emerging designers” section of TRR (with my pre-saved settings preventing me from ogling things that won’t fit) and it has raised my popularity with the youth enormously. “Miss Lena is into Y/Project? Fiiire” a young straight man said of his birthday gift!
Meryll Rogge is a witty and playful, yet firmly adult, Belgian designer I genuinely would never have found without this TRR addiction- and she’s running Marni now, so I can say I knew her when, like those people who acted holier-than-thou when The Strokes signed to a major label. I’ve been tracking something in my size for ages and because of saved searches- as you can see, I love a saved search- I was able to snap this up before some other pink princess smashed buy. Something so comforting about a pre-ripped item- it really says “do your worst!
Likewise, Rachel Scott brought her Jamaican-born beachy glamour-lit sensibility to smaller label Diotima, and now she’s the brains behind the new Proenza Schouler. This beaded bralette is something that could only work when honed by a disciplined and iconoclastic eye, and now she’s mine…
Pro-tip: If you haven’t heard of a designer before, and want to get a sense of their cut/sizing/how the fabric moves and interacts with the world at large, check the hashtag on Pinterest or the Vogue coverage of the collection. And who said the internet is killing our powers of inference/intellectual rigor!?
3. TRACK YOUR OBSESSIONS
It makes sense that TRR doesn’t call saved items “faves” or “finds,” but instead “obsessions,” because it’s the exact right place to get freakily focused on a very specific era of design. A saved search and constant turnover means that you can look at all the iterations of a style moment you love.
Recently, I remembered how the coolest thing a 19 year old could have in 2005 was a gaudy and massive horn pendant (popularized by MK Olsen, who paired hers with tattered Chinoiserie slippers and a purse big enough to hold a pair of chubby twin babies.) My TRR hunt led me to a plethora of tilted versions- triple, Koolaid blue ear fangs, a bronzed classic which, I won’t lie, I already own. But the ones by king of embellishment Roberto Cavalli pierced my soul. And now I am the proud mother of not one but three…
My pretties!
As all the “of the moment” bags left this maximalist cold, I remembered the too-much-is-never-enough encrusted bracelet bags Phoebe Philo did for Chloe, which function more like antique jewelry than a quiet luxury marker of status. And while these are true splurges for me, their collective cost barely makes a dent in the Hermès-ified spending habits we glimpse online. It helps that they aren’t yoked to any modern season, but instead have reached eternal life status.
Pro-tip: Treat the internet like you used to manhandle a pile of old magazines, ripping out pages for your dream manifestation board. If you love a photo of Kate Moss looking mad at her ex, you can do more than save it to your desktop- you can, more than likely, locate exactly who made her low slung belt (though most of her festival minidresses are unbranded finds- if ever there were an advertisement for reverse snobbery!)
4. LEAN INTO NOSTALGIA
What did you dream of owning when you were fifteen and flipping through an issue of Elle, but it was an impossible fantasy on only your babysitting dollars? (I even started a dog grooming business, without experience or skill, to try and get a pair of Earl jeans! Sorry to that Cocker Spaniel whose bangs I trimmed…)
For me, it was the comical prints of Moschino…
The winking minimalism of Jil Sander…
The hidden logo country club glam of Lambertson Truex…
All of these, well made and making teen Lena scream, a collection of classics that cost, collectively, significantly less than I was paying to have a mass-produced parka and matching balloon pants made of cellophane rip on the first wear…
Pro-tip: What did you love most of all, back before you had the freedom to truly edit your own life? Maybe it’s an item your parents said was too expensive, too trendy or just not cute. Maybe your ex said they didn’t want you wearing a tube top. Whatever it is, look for that!
Remembering those youthful obsessions can also lead to the unexpected- a Juicy Couture jacket that feels more Amelia Earhart than The Hills, a Michael Stars shearling vest that is dreaming of companion bb-pink clogs, the best smattering of Kenneth Jay Lane costume jewels…
This is the same metric I used in choosing shoes for the Famesick tour- my rules were kitten heel maximum (all that my creaky body can take) and all styles that an earlier me has lusted after, often at the turn of the millennium.
With all this, would you like to see my top 5 summer outfits, assembled from my actual TRR purchases? I hoped you might, so I present to you.. these paper dolls by Phoebe Ward. Summer is not ready for this 40 year old and her search terms…
LOOK 1: Estate Sale Annie
I found four pieces of fashion history- garnet beaded cuff and choker that Galliano produced for a 1998 Dior couture presentation, a perfect dinner jacket from the undersung design pioneer Mary McFadden, and the dense Tumeric Chloe wrist companion that made me understand bags are for more than just toting your aquaphor and jury duty summons. And I refuse to wait for a rainy day or practice minimalism- I’m throwing ‘em all on at once.
LOOK 2: Sculptress at the Farmer’s Market
If I could go nude and just highlight the accessories here, I would.
I worship at the altar of Elsa Peretti, Vivianna Torun Below-Hube, Robert Lee Morris- sculptors whose medium happens to be jewelry.A diamond tennis bracelet will always look great on the elegant wrist of an understated woman, but I like jewelry that says “I dare you to wear me just a little bit wrong.” TRR is where I find the new guard of designers- like Lizzie Fortunato and Agmes — who understand this assignment. Here, enjoying one earring each from two separate pairs, my Khaite x Oliver Peoples sunglasses which seemed unwise at full price because of the likelihood I will one day sit on them- and a chunky orange lucite Lizzie Fortunato cuff that really speaks to my favorite category: “precious jewels that are neither precious nor jewels.”
LOOK 3: Europop Performance Artist With Moths In Her Closet
Meryl Rogge sweater, meet Diotima bra. And have y’all ever hung out with Yves Klein blue Khaite fisherman sandals and the so-wrong-its-right cuff I chose to bring to lunch?
LOOK 4: The Poetry Teacher Who Married Rich (and then divorced)
At thirty dollars, this Jonathan Cohen printed bodycon number costs less than the Hailey Bieber smoothie and a pack of gum. And, aided and abetted by Agmes earrings, Khaite sunglasses and the omnipresent Chloe, the vibe is distinctly: “I’m not grading papers today, it’s too GORGEOUS out.”
LOOK 5: The Mary Moment
The Mary McFadden dinner jacket is too precious not to get its own celebration, here paired with an almost-indecent Paco Rabanne wrap skirt that exists somewhere in the middle on the spectrum from Christmas Decorations to armor… Add in the Galliano for Dior adornment and the minimal-for-maximalists Lizzie Fortunato lucite hoops, and my grandma Dot is nodding approvingly from heaven at her cheeky little girl!
Meanwhile, if you’ve enjoyed this… you’re going to have me sent to an old fashioned sanitarium when you hear how wildly specific my questions for TRR’s chief brand officer Kristen Naiman are, when I talk to her at the Soho flagship store on June 15th…
And don’t forget to treat your hobbies like jobs, and- of course- to dress for the job you want.
In my case, that’s RealReal authority.
Happy hunting, my mole rats.
xxxLena (and her saved searches)
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As usual, hilarious. Hopefully your next post will be about pig care!
I LOVE THIS your fashion commentary is to die for