CACKLING at this. I remember being deeply impressed by my childhood friend's scoliosis brace and putting a paper clip in my mouth so it looked like I had a retainer. 🫠 I finally need glasses and finally feel cool.
My best friend from college( who lives 5 mins away from me at 38 yo) and I used to get stoned and rock around in what we lovingly called ‘alienware’ aka sunglasses that made us look weird as shit. We’d go to Target, grab a cocktail for lunch, hit on anyone who showed us the slightest interest, then rush home to bust out four essays due the next morning. We still peacock around but, instead of getting stoned, we put sunglasses on her daughter and the three of us take the town by storm.
During my indie sleaze days living in Boston, the guy I was dating at the time took me to a party at a communist commune house called “Gloop House.” The residents (Tufts and MassArt kids with chunky monthly allowances from their parents) had a sign in the entry way written in washable marker: “WHAT TO DO IF THE LANDLORD OR THE COPS COME.” At this party, I got to talking to a person named Macaroni about the book I was reading, and they told me they haven’t read in over a year because they gave up their worldly possessions, and that included their glasses. I was so confused.
Love this. As a child from a family of almost-blinds, I was told I needed glasses in SEVENTH GRADE, but my vanity was so profound that I instead sat in the first row to (barely) see the chalkboard. I refused any visual aids, PERIOD, until I was allowed to get contact lenses in 9th grade. And girl, I didn't just get contacts, I got AQUAMARINE contacts to create some kind of mermaid mystique. In college, I discovered John Lennon-style wire frames, and have embraced so many different glasses personalities since then. I stuck with "sexy secretary" for many years. Currently doing "middle-aged librarian with a secret side gig as a punk rock drummer."
When in the fullness of time I need glasses, my daughter is my glasses icon. She has been longsighted since she was a preschooler (well, probably always, but we found out then) and when we found out she'd need to wear them full time, we worried she wouldn't want to. WRONG. They were instantly part of her look, as she too never misses an opportunity to accessorise.(It did not hurt that Supergirl, one of her favourite heroes at four, is a daily glasses wearer.) She has always been admirably decisive when picking frames, and despite now being a teenager I am not anticipating a request for contacts. We have had pink and cute, black nerd specs, purple cat eye, and currently she's on translucent ruby red.
I so badly want to adopt different personas via glasses frames but alas, even when I buy multiple pairs I end up just wearing the one I like the most and the others sit in the drawer. I guess I’m just not that girl…
I will never forget how I drooled over and craved the Sally Jesse Raphael red framed glasses in junior high and how I totally purposeful failed an eye test to convince my mother I couldn't see and needed them. I didn't know about readers back then! I got them and then really couldn't see through the prescription lenses but wore them anyway, which probably contributed to y needing readers at 40. Now I love collecting huge clunky oversized classic framed black readers and animal prints galore, RAWR! And LENA, that Skeptical Secretary pair is truly awesome on you! MWAH!
My grandma had red SJR glasses and I used to try them on a fall over bc of her prescription and it was like getting drunk, so wonderful and disorienting and adult!
(Middle finger to the old men in my childhood southern Baptist church who hit on me when I was ten by stroking my Aqua Net feathered bangs and saying, “the bigger the hair, the closer to God.”).
Moscot will forever have a place in my heart. I was going through an awful time last year and I lost my very precious glasses - a pair that were incredibly dear to me for sentimental reasons. I was devastated when I found that they had stopped doing that style. It was the last straw and I was just sobbing in the opticians. My beautiful and kind opticians liaised with Moscot who managed to find an archive pair in their warehouse and they shipped them from America to the UK for me. It was one of those moments where people see that you are kind of drowning and are incredibly kind to you when you most need it. Aren’t those moments grand? ❤️🌿✨
This is so moving and it reminds me of when my mother’s Shisheido perfume was discontinued so her saleswoman got her like 20 bottles and said “refrigerate them” 😭
Thank you! I love Ebay - just bought a little bookshelf from an old lady who turns out to be a sheep farmer and we have become penpals. There are very few online places where this stuff can happen anymore :)
The flip side of your childhood longing is the kid who was forced to wear glasses (me) in the third grade, because she couldn't see the blackboard. Or I would be in the back seat of the car with my parents upfront, and my mother would say something like, "Oh, aren't the turning leaves on the trees pretty?" And I would say, "What leaves?" I was blind as a bat. And when I was growing up, wearing glasses in the third grade was decidedly uncool. We didn't have the fashionable options available today, and besides, your mother picked out what was deemed "suitable," and put them on your face. (Cat-eyes weren't yet considered glamorous.) "Four Eyes," "Poindexter," "Batgirl" (not a compliment) were my pet names. Now that I'm all growed up, I LOVE eyeglasses! I abandoned contact lenses in favor of full-time specs years ago. Love all your personas. My personal fave = the little purple freaks that you have on the way.
omg another banger! I had aggressively 20/20 vision until my mid 30's-ish when I got a pair of super light Rx "for astigmatism" glasses that were basically clear lenses, I wanted to wear those for work and grad school "to be taken more seriously". At 43, I needed glasses in earnest to see and do my job. My eyes have gotten worse with age since (I'm now 56). I don't know anything about glasses - I don't really know what to shop for, I don't really get how frequently you should have your eyes examined. So now, I have 2 pairs of "mid-range" glasses (like if you're in the kitchen cooking and need to see) and 2 pairs of readers. Also, a "junk pair" of mid-range that are not junk at all and were insanely expensive frames that I got hooked up with when I was on a super platinum cadillac vision plan. Anyway - my issue is that my head is small, like - this is not something I notice, but if I need to wear a motorcycle helmet let's say, I usually need to head to the kids' section at Bike Barn. So THE frames that work for me are Bebe. I looooove the Bebes with the little encrusted beads and mirrors an shizz? Hell yeah. They're kind of stuck in 2017 but it is what it is.
I have never related to to a phrase quite in the way that I felt "enjoys both local convenience and niche exclusivity" in my very bones
CACKLING at this. I remember being deeply impressed by my childhood friend's scoliosis brace and putting a paper clip in my mouth so it looked like I had a retainer. 🫠 I finally need glasses and finally feel cool.
Omg I made them out of pipe cleaners
😂😂😂 YES!!!!
Paperclip retainer with a wad of gum smooshed into the roof of my mouth for the full effect.
yes !!!! the gum was really important
My best friend from college( who lives 5 mins away from me at 38 yo) and I used to get stoned and rock around in what we lovingly called ‘alienware’ aka sunglasses that made us look weird as shit. We’d go to Target, grab a cocktail for lunch, hit on anyone who showed us the slightest interest, then rush home to bust out four essays due the next morning. We still peacock around but, instead of getting stoned, we put sunglasses on her daughter and the three of us take the town by storm.
Loved the reminder of frame charisma.
I love you, thank you
During my indie sleaze days living in Boston, the guy I was dating at the time took me to a party at a communist commune house called “Gloop House.” The residents (Tufts and MassArt kids with chunky monthly allowances from their parents) had a sign in the entry way written in washable marker: “WHAT TO DO IF THE LANDLORD OR THE COPS COME.” At this party, I got to talking to a person named Macaroni about the book I was reading, and they told me they haven’t read in over a year because they gave up their worldly possessions, and that included their glasses. I was so confused.
That's an awesome way to admit you're illiterate.
I used to call these pretentious art people who were secretly illiterate “fake deep.” 😂
Love this. As a child from a family of almost-blinds, I was told I needed glasses in SEVENTH GRADE, but my vanity was so profound that I instead sat in the first row to (barely) see the chalkboard. I refused any visual aids, PERIOD, until I was allowed to get contact lenses in 9th grade. And girl, I didn't just get contacts, I got AQUAMARINE contacts to create some kind of mermaid mystique. In college, I discovered John Lennon-style wire frames, and have embraced so many different glasses personalities since then. I stuck with "sexy secretary" for many years. Currently doing "middle-aged librarian with a secret side gig as a punk rock drummer."
Aquamarine mermaid mystique is such a specific time in a girls' life that I'm shimmering with the nostalgia
When in the fullness of time I need glasses, my daughter is my glasses icon. She has been longsighted since she was a preschooler (well, probably always, but we found out then) and when we found out she'd need to wear them full time, we worried she wouldn't want to. WRONG. They were instantly part of her look, as she too never misses an opportunity to accessorise.(It did not hurt that Supergirl, one of her favourite heroes at four, is a daily glasses wearer.) She has always been admirably decisive when picking frames, and despite now being a teenager I am not anticipating a request for contacts. We have had pink and cute, black nerd specs, purple cat eye, and currently she's on translucent ruby red.
I so badly want to adopt different personas via glasses frames but alas, even when I buy multiple pairs I end up just wearing the one I like the most and the others sit in the drawer. I guess I’m just not that girl…
The number of paper clips that went into my mouth pretending to be retainers (sexier than braces in my 10 yr old mind)…
The only negative thing that happens when I get new glasses is that my house look dirtier, lol. Love the glasses fashion show!
I will never forget how I drooled over and craved the Sally Jesse Raphael red framed glasses in junior high and how I totally purposeful failed an eye test to convince my mother I couldn't see and needed them. I didn't know about readers back then! I got them and then really couldn't see through the prescription lenses but wore them anyway, which probably contributed to y needing readers at 40. Now I love collecting huge clunky oversized classic framed black readers and animal prints galore, RAWR! And LENA, that Skeptical Secretary pair is truly awesome on you! MWAH!
My grandma had red SJR glasses and I used to try them on a fall over bc of her prescription and it was like getting drunk, so wonderful and disorienting and adult!
SJR frames are the perfect shape! I’ve been hunting for that exact shape in cobalt blue for YEARS to no avail. My white whale 😂
The bigger the glasses, the closer to Hecate.
(Middle finger to the old men in my childhood southern Baptist church who hit on me when I was ten by stroking my Aqua Net feathered bangs and saying, “the bigger the hair, the closer to God.”).
Jenna Lyons! Fran Lebowitz! Giselle Bundchen in her blink-and-you’ll-miss-it role in The Devil Wears Prada!
Yessss incredible
Moscot will forever have a place in my heart. I was going through an awful time last year and I lost my very precious glasses - a pair that were incredibly dear to me for sentimental reasons. I was devastated when I found that they had stopped doing that style. It was the last straw and I was just sobbing in the opticians. My beautiful and kind opticians liaised with Moscot who managed to find an archive pair in their warehouse and they shipped them from America to the UK for me. It was one of those moments where people see that you are kind of drowning and are incredibly kind to you when you most need it. Aren’t those moments grand? ❤️🌿✨
This is so moving and it reminds me of when my mother’s Shisheido perfume was discontinued so her saleswoman got her like 20 bottles and said “refrigerate them” 😭
I hope this never happens to you again, but if it does: eBay is your friend!
Thank you! I love Ebay - just bought a little bookshelf from an old lady who turns out to be a sheep farmer and we have become penpals. There are very few online places where this stuff can happen anymore :)
What a classy move. Women seeing women gets me every time.
Love your writing - my Famesick with the RSVP stamp is very treasured.
The flip side of your childhood longing is the kid who was forced to wear glasses (me) in the third grade, because she couldn't see the blackboard. Or I would be in the back seat of the car with my parents upfront, and my mother would say something like, "Oh, aren't the turning leaves on the trees pretty?" And I would say, "What leaves?" I was blind as a bat. And when I was growing up, wearing glasses in the third grade was decidedly uncool. We didn't have the fashionable options available today, and besides, your mother picked out what was deemed "suitable," and put them on your face. (Cat-eyes weren't yet considered glamorous.) "Four Eyes," "Poindexter," "Batgirl" (not a compliment) were my pet names. Now that I'm all growed up, I LOVE eyeglasses! I abandoned contact lenses in favor of full-time specs years ago. Love all your personas. My personal fave = the little purple freaks that you have on the way.
Thank you! I am needing to adjust quickly to a new health situation, and I appreciate you sharing your story about your vision. Sooo helpful!
omg another banger! I had aggressively 20/20 vision until my mid 30's-ish when I got a pair of super light Rx "for astigmatism" glasses that were basically clear lenses, I wanted to wear those for work and grad school "to be taken more seriously". At 43, I needed glasses in earnest to see and do my job. My eyes have gotten worse with age since (I'm now 56). I don't know anything about glasses - I don't really know what to shop for, I don't really get how frequently you should have your eyes examined. So now, I have 2 pairs of "mid-range" glasses (like if you're in the kitchen cooking and need to see) and 2 pairs of readers. Also, a "junk pair" of mid-range that are not junk at all and were insanely expensive frames that I got hooked up with when I was on a super platinum cadillac vision plan. Anyway - my issue is that my head is small, like - this is not something I notice, but if I need to wear a motorcycle helmet let's say, I usually need to head to the kids' section at Bike Barn. So THE frames that work for me are Bebe. I looooove the Bebes with the little encrusted beads and mirrors an shizz? Hell yeah. They're kind of stuck in 2017 but it is what it is.